Truth

I’m struggling with telling the truth to people about my situation. I’m so scared. I know I should just do it but I can’t get the words out of my mouth. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and I’m afraid they won’t believe me, after all I have no solid evidence, not really, it’s just my word against his at the end of the day. My story must sound ludicrous, I sensed it when I told one or two people ages ago, I sensed that they didn’t believe me, and these people are good friends of mine. They just said ‘Really? Oh okay, that’s weird’ but then that was it, end of story. What are they really thinking? I’m so tired of keeping all this stuff to myself I feel like I’m going to burst. I want to be accepted for who I am, part of which is all this bullshit which I never asked for or wanted but have been dealt -through no choice of my own. I know the answer is to tell people and be truthful but I cannot find the courage to make that step. It’s like I’m retreating inside myself right now. I know what I SHOULD do but actually doing it I’m finding very difficult. I don’t know why. Sometimes I just wish I’d had a confession, or that he was living his life openly as a gay man, then maybe all of this wouldn’t be so hard.

 

~ by brebrave on July 8, 2013.

2 Responses to “Truth”

  1. Your truth is all that matters. If you feel it in your gut then its real. No one can live your life for you. Only you know what you are dealing with and you should not wait for anyone’s approval to do what you believe is right for you.

    Your man is gay abd if you cannot deal with that madness, you shoul feel OK to do whatever is good for you. People don’t have to believe you for you to act. YOU know it’s true or you would never say it here.

    Many people know, their intuition tells them, their common sense tells them, the evidence tells them, yet they wait for a confession. Why? When “GPS” thats gay men posing as straight won’t EVER confess. Even if you catch him with a man, he will find a way to explain that away too.

    Do yourself a favor and stop telling people who obviously don’t care your story. Find a good straight spouse support group and talk to people who will validate, affirm, understand and support you. You can visit our forum to talk to your heart’s content. You DO need that ASAP.

    http://www.southfloridaconnects.com/straight-spouse-support-forum.html

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks Debs, I know you’re right, it doesn’t really matter what other people think, it’s my truth. I guess sometimes I’d want to tell everybody so it wasn’t my secret anymore and he can carry that weight not me. It’s hard to explain. I know he’s gay it’s not that I have any doubts about that it’s more to do with him being in denial about it and me feeling trapped inside his closet. It’s a burden. Thanks again for responding, some days are harder than others, yesterday was one.

    Like

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